Adult Conversation

    Dad took his three kids to church every Sunday. Mom stayed home. I think she enjoyed that hour of peace every week when we were gone.

    There was a time, for a few months when I was 10, that the man from across the street, this was still at the Heinrich house, a very good friend to my parents, and  recent widower, would come by and chat with Mom while we were at church. She was a good listener to all the tough stuff Mr. J was going through. He was usually still there when we returned from church, and he would stay and visit a while then too.

     One Sunday morning I woke up and was not feeling well. Mom and Dad both said I could stay home from church that day. And suddenly I got very excited! If I was home with Mom, well, maybe Mr. J would stop by, and if neither of them noticed, I could get to hear adult conversation!

      My curiosity about what big people talked about was always very strong.

      Well Mr. J did come by, and the three of us sat down at the kitchen table together. Mom probably made him a cup of coffee. They chitchatted for a while, and I started to get bored. Then suddenly Mr. J said, “Hey Mary! I heard a joke this week. Get me a piece of paper and a pencil and I'll show it to you!”

      I perked right up, very eager to hear an adult joke! I promised myself that I would remember it always – even if I didn't get it – because when I did grow up, I might get it then, and I could tell other people the first adult joke I ever heard!

      I then tried to make myself inconspicuous so as to not get asked to leave the room before I could hear the joke.

      Mr. J took the paper and pencil and on the left side of the page, he drew a tree. At the bottom of the tree, on the right side, he drew what looked like a lump or a rock – I couldn't tell what it was. To the right of that, Mr. J drew a plus sign and then a second tree and a second lump or rock; to the right of that he drew another plus sign and then a third tree and a third lump or rock-like thing. And to the right of that, Mr. J wrote an equal sign and then the number 10.

     It looked something like this:

     He sat back so Mom could look it over and try to figure out the joke.

     I studied it intensely. “Oh, a math problem!” I thought. “Something three times equals 10. But 10 is not evenly divisible by 3.”

     I looked at Mr. J and asked, “is the thing next to each tree a rock?” He did not answer me.

     Mom said that she gave up.

     Mr. J proudly pointed to each drawing on the paper as he announced, “Tree and a turd, plus tree and a turd, plus tree and a turd, equals 10!”

     Then he laughed!

     That one particular word was not something I had ever heard in our house before. I had barely ever heard it outside of our house! And I was fairly sure it was a word that was not supposed to be heard in our house – except maybe in adult conversation.

      Mom gave a half a smile as her way of acknowledging the joke yet not encouraging more of the same from him, I'm sure, because I was there.

      I have to tell you, though, I was sorely disappointed. This was adult conversation? This was an adult joke? Potty humor?

      Maybe that is why I was always asked to leave the room when adults wanted to talk – so I would not be judging the adult conversation - so they would not see that I was kind of expecting so much more from them!

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