Bird-Watcher President

       Okay, the biggest thing from Miss Caffarelli's tenth grade English class is something that I have in my storytelling repertoire, and it will probably take at least two posts to explain the entire impact of

       First off, there was the promise I made myself back in 8^th grade for the English final that I would give the required talk in front of the class in exchange for never having to ever do any public speaking ever again; and that was followed by 9^th grade English where the teacher assigned us a monthly speech to the class and the only way I could get through that was to find goofy topics to talk about – all the while beating myself up for having to break my promise. Now, in 10^th grade, Miss Caffarelli announced that she had a brilliant idea – it was an experiment she was trying out, and if it worked she would then tell us what the experiment was all about.

       Miss Caffarelli said that we were to each get up in front of the class and give a speech – I forget the time limit – maybe five minutes (?), not long – it could be on any topic. The speech had one great big, big requirement. Each was supposed to elicit a visible emotion from the audience! If just one listener in the class gave a chuckle, or a gasp, or perhaps even a tear – the speaker would get an A for the assignment.

       Oh my gosh! Getting a guaranteed visible emotion from the audience was going to be impossible! Why in the world was she making us do this? If I gave a God Bless America speech, would anyone give a rah-rah? If I gave a sad story would anyone react? Heck, I could be side-splittingly comedic and they would not laugh – they were my high school classmates, probably the toughest crowd I would ever face! Why would they care if I got an A on the assignment or not – it would be more amusing not to laugh!

       But after thinking it over and thinking it over, the only thing I could come up with that might have a hint of success was to try and deliver a funny speech. I just needed one person to smile. Just one.

       Fellow bird-watchers, I am here today to throw my hat in the ring as candidate for president of this, the Hamburg Bird-Watchers Association.

       And I got a laugh! For the crowd to hear me declare myself as a candidate for anything was my guaranteed laugh. And I followed the opening line with a series of promises such as politicians make, but these had a bird theme. The one joke I remember after all these years is, and when I become your President, I vow to serve something other than chicken at our yearly barbecues.

       When I got that first laugh, I was tempted to sit down – I had gotten my A, and I was so relieved. But I finished the whole thing.

       And then when I sat down, I was a different person, because at that point I made a new promise to myself – in the future, if someone is giving a talk and hoping to get a laugh at one or more times in the speech, I will laugh – it will not matter if the comment is funny or not – what will matter is that I know how good it feels to get a laugh when you are hoping for one, and I want to be the one to give that person the same good feeling that I first experienced that day back in 10^th grade English class.

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