Vanessa's Mom

      The person most dreaded by the entire staff at the day care was Vanessa's Mom. And the reason Vanessa's Mom was the person most dreaded by the entire staff at the day care was because Vanessa herself was just a few months old, in the infant room, and that meant that every single teacher at the day care was going to have to contend with Vanessa's Mom at some point during Vanessa's journey through the facility.

      Now every parent is particular about the care of her or his child, and every parent will have specific issues or passions, but Vanessa's Mom? She easily held the world record for concerns shared with the staff.

      In the infant room, the teacher was told that Vanessa had a special diet and special feeding times; Vanessa was to lie a certain way in her crib with specified covers; Vanessa's Mom was concerned about the lighting, the noise levels, the daily schedule of activities. There was not a day that went by that Vanessa's Mom did not have something that needed to be talked about, and so that was how the feeling of dread came over all of us when Vanessa's Mom walked in each morning.

      My room of 18 month old kids was two classes, and two doors away from Vanessa and the infant room. A class of 12 month old kids was between us. But Vanessa's Mom seemed keen on wanting to talk to me. I would see her walk in my direction, but someone would ultimately intervene – another teacher would head her off, or one of the managers. I think Vanessa's Mom wanted to talk to me because I was a bit of a novelty at the day care – the day care teacher with a college degree – management would brag about it to parents even though the managers really didn't think very highly of me themselves, and the truth is that I was only there to be near my own children and make sure they were all right in that environment. So Vanessa's Mom wanted to talk to me because I went to college, and she was kept away from me by the managers because I tend to be flippant and they were worried that I might tick off Vanessa's Mom!

      There was an open house at the day care one evening. All the teachers were expected to be in attendance, and parents were encouraged to mill through the different classrooms and get to know the teachers. Vanessa's Mom walked in my direction, and as she began to talk to me, another teacher joined us. Now there is something I have to say about Vanessa herself – all babies are beautiful, I cannot contest that, but admittedly, some babies are more beautiful than others. And I would easily say that Vanessa was less beautiful than most any other baby I had ever seen. I think it was the scowl on her face that seemed to always be there, and the tufts of red hair that stuck out on her head – not that I'm knocking red hair, of course. I guess it was the combination of Vanessa's Mom rattling on and on forever about Vanessa's specialness and the actual sight of Vanessa herself which was really not that special at all.

      So imagine my shock when the teacher who joined the conversation between Vanessa's Mom and me at the open house asked, “When are you going to get Vanessa into modeling?”

      Oh my gosh, I almost choked on the punch I was sipping! Management was worried that I was going to say something glib to Vanessa's Mom and here was a teacher making fun of Vanessa's looks!

      And imagine my shock when Vanessa's Mom answered with complete sincerity , “Oh I'm going to wait a while before getting Vanessa into modeling. That industry can be brutal, you know. I would like to wait until Vanessa's personality is developed so they can't be molding her themselves. I think by the time she is two, Vanessa might be ready for the modeling business.”

      My eyes kept darting between the teacher who had asked the question and Vanessa's Mom. I was trying to keep a straight face. Neither of the women were kidding!

      Well I don't know if Vanessa ever got into modeling when her personality had developed on its own at the age of two, but Vanessa soon graduated from the infant room, surviving all of Mom's daily concerns, and she advanced quickly through the 12-month old room.

      One day the day care director informed me that she wanted to move Vanessa to my class, and to avoid Vanessa's Mom stressing over changes that Vanessa would be facing, causing Vanessa herself to possibly stress in response to Mom, Ms C decided to sneak Vanessa into the class without telling Mom about it!

      Her thinking was that if Vanessa was in my class for a couple of weeks without Mom knowing, Vanessa would transition smoothly. After that, Mom would be told Vanessa was moving – Mom would wring her hands a bit but then realize that her daughter was just fine.

      Sounded like a good plan. Vanessa came to my class and did very well. So after about two weeks, Ms C told Vanessa's Mom, “I have great news! Next Monday Vanessa will be graduating to the 18 month old class - a few months early, she is so advanced!"

       Vanessa's Mom said, “I don't think so.”

      “Is there a problem?” Ms C was shocked .

      “There is most definitely a problem. My Vanessa is not stepping one foot into Miss Denise's classroom – not one foot – until I have had a conference with Miss Denise!”

      Ms C felt just a tad guilty since Vanessa's two feet had been in my class for days!

      The next day I was informed that Vanessa's Mom would be coming by during naptime, and I was to chat with her and agree to whatever she had to say.

      My classroom was shared with Ms Liddy who had the 24-month old kids, and after we got everyone to sleep that afternoon, we waited for Vanessa's Mom to arrive.

      Vanessa's Mom walked in with a ceramic apparatus that had an electrical cord dangling from it.

      “Do you know what this is?” she asked.

      “No.”

      “This is a pot for potpourri. You will have this plugged in and simmering potpourri anytime my Vanessa is in the room. I will provide the potpourri. And you will have the pot plugged in whenever my Vanessa is here. Quite frankly this room smells like diapers. That smell is not good for my Vanessa's self esteem. The potpourri will make the room smell good since you can't figure out how to get rid of the diaper smell on your own. Now you must promise me that you will have this pot plugged in and simmering for my Vanessa!”

      “Sure,” I said which was a bold-faced lie because there was no way I was ever going to simmer that woman's potpourri! The mere thought of an electrical cord and hot liquid and shards from a broken ceramic pot in the same room with children still makes me shudder!

      Vanessa's Mom then continued down a list of controlled stipulations which made it clear that her Vanessa was indeed the most special child in the entire day care and had to be treated as such. Of course I agreed with them all.

      “Now, my Vanessa has IBS; do you know what IBS is?”

      “No.”

      “IBS is irritable bowel syndrome. This means that food goes in, and then the food comes out. It comes out very soon after it goes in. How often do you change the diapers on the other children here? How often to you check their diapers? Every half an hour?”

      “Sure.”

      “Well, then you must check my Vanessa's diaper every 15 minutes because her diapers are going to get soiled more often than the other children. It will not be good for her self esteem if she is in a dirty diaper. You must be checking it. Vanessa will get a rash – so I will know if you are not checking it every 15 minutes. Furthermore, I want you to realize that the food goes in and then goes out so fast that there often is not time to process a smell. So don't wait until you smell something to check Vanessa's diaper. She could be soiled without your smelling it.”

      At this point I must have gone into a mild state of shock. The next thing I knew, I was standing there in the darkened nap room with the potpourri pot in my hands, and Vanessa's Mom was walking out the door. My feeling was that things had gone well. I turned and saw Ms Liddy smiling at me. I pointed at the door and said,

      “Did that woman just tell me her kid's poop don't stink?”

      “She most certainly did. And I love how you responded when she said it!”

      Oh my gosh! I could not remember saying anything! “What?”

      “When she said her daughter's poop doesn't stink, you said that was odd because you had gotten a pretty good whiff of Vanessa when she was brought in this morning!”

      Oh dear.....management was not going to be pleased.

      This all happened in early 1990. Since then I've wondered how Vanessa has turned out – did she thrive in spite of her IBS, her Mom, the day care, my potpourri-less class, the modeling industry? If so, perhaps the scowl is gone even if her poop does smell.

141 20150521 Vanessa's Mom